By Leo Babauta
If you want to create a new exercise habit (for example), you might tell yourself something like this: "This is going to be amazing, I'm going to get fit and look incredible and be super healthy!"
This is a story you're telling yourself. It's not real, but it has tremendous power to affect your feelings about your habit, and to change your action. You have a positive story about the habit, and it motivates you to take action.
But perhaps the exercise you did one day was really tough, and you didn't enjoy it. Your story might change to something like, "Wow, that was super hard. It sucked!"
Now your story about the habit is not so good, and you'll be less enthusiastic about doing the habit from now on.
Maybe you also missed a couple of days of exercise because you got busy. Your story changes to, "Darn, I screwed up. I'm not as good at this habit as I thought; why am I not disciplined?"
The story isn't so good. Now you might actually try not to think about the habit, and you are much more likely to skip the habit from now on.
The story you tell yourself about your habit matters more than most people realize. So the key is to shape the story, become your own habit storyteller, and create a story that will make you more likely to stick to the habit.
Telling a Good Story
The truth is that none of these stories is actually true. They're just narratives we have made up, in our minds, about what's going on. The reality is what's happening right now, and in an "ideal" world we would just drop the stories and be present with the moment, experiencing reality as it is.
There's no such thing as an ideal world, though. We tell stories. That's what we do. So the key is to realize when you're telling a negative story that's going to make you quit the habit, and instead create a more helpful story.
Try this:
This is not to say that you should only think positive thoughts, or that you should ignore the negative. But if your story is on the balance more positive than negative, you'll be more resilient. You'll be able to handle the negative stuff with grace, because you have a positive feeling about the habit.
If you resent doing the habit, or see it as a sacrifice, you're more likely to blow the negative aspects up when they happen. But people with a strongly positive story will be likely to weather the storm of negative aspects of the habit.
The Positive Story Exercise
Try to think about some of the following thoughts when you're working on your habit:
Just think about one of these each time you do the habit, or just after. And then try another one on the next time you do the habit.
Slowly, with thoughts like these and others you might think of, you'll start to have a more positive story about the habit.
And that will make all the difference -- not only will you want to stay with it longer, you'll enjoy it more each time you do it.
Leo Babauta is a simplicity blogger and author. He created Zen Habits, a Top 25 blog with a million readers. He's also a best-selling author, a husband, father of six children, and a vegan. In 2010 moved from Guam to the San Francisco Bay Area, where he leads a simple life.